Today’s entry is about how well we treat ourselves. It can be a sure sign of how well, we treat our loved one’s and especially those around us.
With this being a sacred weekend for me, as I thought about introducing this topic I am reminded of the Holy Scriptures where The 10 Commandments hang from these two New Commandments Matthew 22:34-40 (ESV)
The Great Commandment
34 But when the Pharisees heard that he had silenced the Sadducees, they gathered together. 35 And one of them, a lawyer, asked him a question to test him. 36 “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” 37 And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 38 This is the great and first commandment. 39 And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. 40 On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.”
For a long time I realize I didn’t know how to treat friends in the right way. What I mean is , I knew that to be kind and loving. But I didn’t know how to act upon that, because I didn’t know how to act upon that with myself.
I spent many years playing the same old tapes over and over. A lot of self-pity and being bitter. I am better than I once was, but the battle doesn’t seem to be over with. At times I feel helpless and I feel alone. The tapes start playing, that I will never be good enough.
I actually heard this in a meeting last week; I have to record over those old tapes and let them become, the new tapes to listen to.
We have to start seeing our accomplishments and saying thank you when people show us generosity of any kind. Sometimes words just aren’t enough. Sometimes we go beyond our means and that doesn’t help anyone either.
In the past year or a few maybe, I am learning there are times I am yelling and don’t mean to be. Don’t get me wrong! There are times I mean to be yelling. I do it so well. The newest thing I have learned just in the last week, it’s still sinking in.
No matter who or what, I yell at is going to provide a solution. Learning to be gentle with ourselves and others is no easy task. But it is intentional. Just when we yell we , lie to ourselves and others. “Oh, I didn’t mean to yell”. Yes we did. Lets just be honest.
We get caught up in patterns of coping mechanisms that don’t really work. We make them work to fit our mold, so that we don’t have to admit wrong on our part. What I do know about me is yes, I hate to be wrong.
One of the good things I have found, is if I admit I am wrong when I am wrong, it makes what ever friendship a little bit easier. The other party finally knows I can admit my wrong.
They also know there’s a good chance, I may be on the look out next time round and we can avoid this same conflict. I may need a reminder also or I may have to give a reminder. There are always ways we can improve.
I remember early on dealing with Church,relationships, family, therapists, hospitals, and rehabilitation centers. I was thinking on that verse and Id be saying well no one really wants me loving them as much as myself. They may not think it’s too kind.
That was more truth than I knew. I spent so much hiding from myself because of these tapes playing in my head constantly. Then of course I blamed other people and their land mines. I didn’t realize I had my own land mines set too!
I remember some years back, a friends dad had asked me what my love language was. I thought dude, if you only knew. It’s sarcasm, is what I wanted to yell out. But we moved on past that.
Sarcasm, is something we have to be careful with. It’s funny to a point; but a lot of times hate starts coming out. Whether its directed at ourselves or another, it can be crippling to any kind of relationship.
Sarcasm is usually a mind game of passive/aggressive behavior. It can be close to taking people as hostages instead of friends or loved ones. The first inclination is to deny this but I have lived it. So I know its true.
In order to celebrate those we love while they are here, we first have to know how to love ourselves. It takes work to have any kind of relationship, but it’s well worth it.
When I gathered round some tables with some friends, I was given a phone number to call a guy if ever I needed help. On the back of that card he wrote, “Me and My Friends don’t hurt ourselves or each other.” Today I would amend that by saying, “we try not to hurt ourselves, or each other.”
Let’s be gentle, but truthful. Let’s not be afraid of one another, nor give anyone a reason to be afraid.
Friendship and relationships of any kind, are never to be taken for granted. The people here today, may be gone tomorrow. Let’s be real and celebrate each other in truth today.
Thanks for reading!