Gratitude And Blessings

 

Placeholder ImageA long time back when first attempting to change my life, people used to tell me; “Don’t give up before the miracle happens.”

I’ve always been a deep thinker or at least I believed myself as such. I have also been strong willed and stubborn! I never knew how much people wanted to help and it is hard to help someone who will not change their way of thinking and doing things. I have always wanted to be in control and still get what I want.

Let me tell you, it never works both ways.At some point there’s the relationship that builds on trust. At least that is what I have found in this journey called life. Trust is not a strong suit for most because of us wanting to be in control.

I am finding I still fight wanting to be in control. I used to think of myself as meek and mild, easy-going, and laid back. I now know I am not that person. It has taken 50 years to uncover that lie, to see what exactly is underneath.

I think its only a beginning of me seeing what is underneath but it is enough for a beginning. You see, I have cried out to God for months for direction, protection, and to supply my needs.

Well I did know the very first thing is to be grateful for what you have. If you can’t find gratitude for something you’ll never get farther than you are right now,except maybe by faith and letting go. This though points us right back to the trust issue.

While manners go a long way in remembering to say please and thank you, it’s about the attitude and that has had to change in me and other people I know. This may be an area where you find even just 1 and if you’re blessed to have a few closed mouth friends that is even better! But someone, who can help you look in the mirror and say: “This has to change.”

Timing and responsibility are everything. Let me just say I by no means have this down nor have I achieved this fully. We are all a work in progress. While works are good they aren’t enough, at least for me. I can never be good enough. I have to believe it is through trust and relationship. Timing and responsibility means being patient.

Trust means letting go of my ideas and control and it takes work! There is gratitude to be found ya just gotta dig til you find it.

I found in gratitude Gods grace and other people’s love and generosity and when I find the love and grace I found peace. Last night I had said it’s in Gods timing. Because it feels like God just opened the flood gates and said, Here,just because I love you and you are Mine!

That  is Gods grace working through others and God meeting you right where you are. Not because of good behavior but His grace and love.

The warning I would give is sometimes it can just take the smallest thing to make you feel like you can’t catch a break. This warning is for me too because I have seen the patterns in my life. If we can just let go what a blessing!

May you be blessed today!

 

 

 

 

 

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The Bluffs

bluffs

When I was young this was my refuge. I could go here cry, laugh, sing, talk to God, ask Him for help, or just be lost for hours here.

These bluff have my blood, sweat, and tears. I contemplated many things up here. Some were very dark things when it was a bad day; praying and asking God for a way out.

It would be many years away from here before I ever felt safe again. But you might say these bluffs saved my life.

I would dance, a country & western singer at one point and a rock star the next.Sometimes made up songs to God and just prayed the next day would be better.

When my friend Nathan and I came through here, it was like time traveling. I was lost in space, remembering how these bluffs were in fact my mountains. He took the picture for me. I could not climb so high and far out to the edge .

I think even here, I first learned to be thankful. Thankful for the safety and peace.

I’d take off for the bluffs on my bike. “Where do you think you’re going?” To talk to God Id say. “Well I hope he gets through to you! I can talk til I am blue in the face and you act like a stubborn old mule!” The dialogue was my foster mother at the time. Perhaps she was right.

Id ask God to teach me to be better, it just seemed I’d never get better. But The open arms of unconditional love was like a tidal wave from these bluffs to me.

In the spirit of giving thanks, I am grateful for these bluffs that hold such bitter-sweet memories for me.

Thanks for reading!

 

My Changing World

I have lived in the area for about three months now. It’s been life altering moving back to a small town. It is extremely challenging without a vehicle. But it can be done.blue-heron

My world changed a lot when I got here.  During my formative years I lived in a town not far from here where the picture is from above.

The pace is slower which I do like in most cases but again very challenging without a vehicle. I am still settling in my first apartment in years. I could not even have reached this far without the encouragement of family and friends.

I’ve experienced all kinds of emotions and been through a hard time. Even good changes bring about stress and when you aren’t that convenient for people to help you as you were more so before, you have to find some hope and faith.

Its not that easy when you feel alone but as someone told me, “You will get through this , it won’t always be like this.” The more stressed and unfocused you are, the more mistakes you will make. So sometimes all you can do is find your imaginary rope, tie a knot and hang on even if it looks like you’re doing it wrong.

I had got to my wits end and found myself screaming many a time. Crying out to God to help me. I am still most days just trying to pick up my boot straps and carry on.

For a while I did have a truck to use it was both a blessing and a curse. It was a stuck shift and it wouldn’t have been a hassle except, that my feet and legs are not well. I have a few ailments. I still face them but life is getting better. Its when you don’t have a safety blanket you find yourself facing reality!

I want to tell you though many have stayed by my side even across the miles but very few have seen what I truly endured in first getting here.

Asking for help is a new concept for me. I mean when you really need help.

You find out how strong you are and what are your greatest weaknesses.

Its not always joyful. But there is joy to be found . I personally believe the joy comes when you can find the gratitude and thanksgiving even in the midst of life’s trials.

Sometimes the only way to unlocking a spiritual door is being thankful for what you do have.

Its been my joy to share with you a little glimpse of my world. I hope to share more as this is definitely a time to remember and reflect in gratitude.

Thanks for reading!