Day 24 My 500 Words: “Cut The Fluff”

Hi Everyone,

Today’s challenge is to write and not use adverbs. My confidence level is low in this area, so I hope I do it. We shall see.

I went and sat by the edge of the lake . I looked up to the sky to see the sun that shined so bright. It gave me warmth, as did my cup of coffee. I was realizing all the things I had to be grateful for.

I wanted success. I wanted things to be right. I bowed my head and said a prayer. I thanked God for all the beauty of the earth. I thanked Him for things that had come my way. The struggles have been hard but I have made it through.

People who have cared have made the landing soft. I need to realize they have been there. Tears I have cried and yet some hearty laughter too. It’s the moments I have experienced, that have been the moments of awe.

It’s when you can sit and experience the peace. You thank God for His gift. I have shared in some great events. I have the peace and joy, it can be a challenge to find some days. But for real, I am happy and feel so good when all things are considered.

Life comes at you with a fierce roar and you have to roar back. It’s the way you survive and show others you are alive. It can also be proving it to yourself. It takes strength and it can  be the integrity one thinks they lack.

My life is full and I am learning more. You have to push forward. You have to give all you have. If you do no, you will lose. My experience by the lake has stories inside of stories and for these I give praise to God. It softens my heart.

My heart has been hard. The words have been dry. But allowing Him in makes it worthwhile. It has brought me alive. I am not afraid when I am with God. He strengthens me and gives me hope.

It is not for me to explain. It is for each in their own heart and time, to experience.

God is like the parent who wishes their children well and pray for their safety. The choices they make are their own . It’s hoping for the best as they choose. It is loving them through their choices, even if wrong.

That is how I know God deals with me. There have been moments, when I was sure he was angry and he might have been. But the precious moments and memories have given peace, healing, and joy. I thank God he has not given up on me, when I myself have.

I do not know the end of this story, as it has not ended. I wonder if in the end, it is like flying. I think about the chance, to sit up on shores and beaches in Heaven. I pray that it might exist that way. To Him I give praise.

Thanks for reading!

 

#my500words #Jeff Goins

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Day 23 My 500 Words: “The End”

Hi Everyone, Today’s challenge is writing the end of something. May this be something creative, that I can use in future writings, and hopefully more polished. Enjoy-

 

We have made our way through the years. Without prayer, love , hope, and peace, we never would have made our way. Each day had a struggle of its own. I hope that we have taught and learned the most valuable lesson in our family. To never give up.

Love always wins. Prayers remind us not to lose our footing that we could not get along alone. Each one has their own sacrifice in this family. We have all given our time and talent the best we could.

Its hard to keep going, knowing we have made such strides together and apart.  Love held us together, even when we’d rather lash out in angry words. Peace came into our hearts when we saw it was best to not utter a word.

Hope was knowing we had the prayers, peace, and love of each other. No tear was wasted no hug not too strong or big. I never want to let you go or think of myself as making it alone. I just cant bear the thought of losing you.

Everything we have done to this end , was supposed to be for us all. Some how we lost that, as an enemy came in to take it all away. I don’t think it was just an illness of one but many. How will we ever go on.

Must this destroy us all? Surely, it cannot! I may have seemed extreme at times but it was only to hold on tighter. To have one more day. To live without so much hardness. I had no clue at the time how hard I was being.

I was foolish to fight everything when all I had to do was surrender. Yes , surrender to the fact that my way was not always the right way. To hope that tomorrow would be a brighter day. We should have had more time to play.

The little children all went astray, please don’t leave me because they are all grown now. We have to get them back. I have made mistakes and I was so hard headed. I just wanted what was right. To look at all this calamity, oh, what a sight.

Just one more day, let us try to get it all straight. The strength we have together no one can break. I had no idea that today was all you could take. We can do better than this. I know  it all seems to have fallen on deaf ears before.

My heart is ripping out, as you draw your last breath. I will miss the fresh baked pies, the candles glowing in the bathroom and entryway. The roaring fire before just the two of us as we share our dreams for tomorrow. I realize now this the last of that for always. This is final, I will always love you Sissy.  Those also were the final words of Wade, as he drew his last breath.

Thanks for reading!

#my500words #jeffgoins

 

Day 22 My 500 Words: “Fear”

Hi Everyone,

Just a note I had to fix some hotlinking I did with free use pictures  sorry for the interruption and continuous updating. Today my writing is going to be on my fears.

My fears are just as numerous as my likes and favorite things to do. I am always afraid of never being good enough,saying the wrong thing, and even doing the wrong thing.  In reality, I know usually if its wrong it started with a thought, that is wrong or totally false.

But then there are natural fears, like being afraid of snakes is a deathly fear and I really do not need anyone trying to help me get over that fear. I am definitely afraid of rodents and other things like that. I am told it is a healthy fear.

There is always the fear of never having enough money and running out of things. There is the healthy fear of making sure the rent and utilities are paid first. However there is one guy, who makes me feel guilty and anxious when ever I pull up at the pump and go into pay for gas with for seventy cents worth.

I am scared my tower of things to be done with in this year will topple over, and I will have failed and lose friends like crazy. I know it may seem irrational and maybe is, but everything I am afraid right now.

I keep trying to change some things and work harder at trying to make things work. It has me pulling my hair out most days , and yes that’s figuratively. I will get some peace for a moment and go crazy trying to do something, anything different.

My fears do make me think irrational at times, and its hard to get past them and my thinking. I can pray and ask God to help me; but man it sure is hard, when you get pressed in on every side.

Writing sure helps me escape for a little while at least. I am very grateful that things have worked out even this well. I am grateful for things have done in the past and all. It’s up to me to figure out now. It is a daunting task. But it is my task.

I want to be able to do better. I eventually want to be able to say by the time I leave this world, that I have left a good mark here. I want to be able to say I went after writing with my whole heart and soul, and it paid off.

While some of my writing is therapy there are parts of it where I think I really believe good and positive thoughts. At least I feel like I am starting to believe part of them so that I can help others.

I will never have all the answers, but if even one of my writings, works out as it uplifted someone or caused them to search deep with in their own self, then my writing has been all worth it.

I also never want to forget again, that finding that sense of humor and learning to laugh at myself. That is so important other wise the fears run your life. Hardships come and they run your life.

If everything negative starts running my life then I will end up a sad negative person. I don’t want that to happen. I have seen the sightings of it, when I have let it happen and its not pretty. In fact its down right ugly and selfish. I can’t let the fear over take me, today.

Thanks for reading!

#my500Words #jeffgoins

Day 21 My 500 Words : “Confession & Failure”

It was the year of 1995. I was definitely not the most stable then. I was 29 and I still had no clue about how life in the real world worked. I only knew how to run away from life when it got too tough to deal with.

I was finally back in St louis for sometime after living in Poplar Bluff.  It was a time in my life when I was on and off of the wagon. I wanted a stable life and very unsure of who or what I was. My life was in shambles. I didn’t know how to make anything work.

Sometimes that is still true today though, I am on the wagon and have been for over 13 years now.

That was a problem too, work. I had no stable job and definitely everything was off kilter. No good prospects. I think I did try; I just didn’t know how to come off professional and I still have my doubts in that area of my life.

It was a Saturday Night, I was full of fear because I was going to have to face some people who even wanted the best for me but I had not exactly treated them right.

I got the bright idea to dye my hair; no, not just dye my hair but change my appearance. Surely, I was just full of myself and so easy to believe my own lies at that time. I dyed my hair jet black,  even dyed my mustache, and eyebrows!

So yes even went to church that morning full and secure in own deceit and of course  everyone knew who I was. Even the people I was most afraid of seeing me. I instead became the joke of the day. Not prepared for peoples reactions of course I was hurt.

So I tested the waters and went to the smoking area we had at the church and followed one of these friends down to the smoke hole. We sat in silence for a while I half expected her to blow up. Instead, she asked; “What the hell did you do to your hair and why would you do that?” I lied and said I wanted a change.

It was a change all right; jet black hair against fair skin, just doesnt work and definitely not on a man! The rest of the people had their comments too and of course I was thoroughly embarrassed. It proved to be only one more way, I had learned to shoot myself in the foot.

It took months to get that dye out of my hair and as it grew out it was even worse. I think I finally just got it all cut off and then grew my hair out long, like the hippy renegade I’d always portrayed myself to be.

Sure even now, as I think about it both laughter and tears both. There are always going to be things you wish you could go back and change. But the real lesson in all this is to own up to the things I have done in this life.

Hiding behind false walls only get knocked down. But that’s because there are people who know me and love me and only ever wanted the best for me. They knock those walls down because they know, there’s more to you than just what others see on the outside. Keep it real , livin the dream!

Thanks for reading!

#my500words #jeffgoins

Day 20 My 500 Words: “Justice”

Hey Everyone ,

Thanks to everyone reading and or following me on this journey of 31 days of 500 words. Today’s challenge is writing on “justice.”

My personal thoughts on justice is that we don’t even have our scales and balances right. In a lot of cases, most can’t fight for real justice because they don’t have enough money to put into the legal fees.

We even have found innocent men put to death or are still incarcerated. Okay, maybe not innocent men put to death, but at least some were innocent of the particular crime they were put to death for and the same with incarceration.

The ones that have been found guilty as I was reading the other day, the judges want to hand down harsh sentences. That is fine until the judgements are that as of cruel and inhumane for the particular crime which in some some cases the guilty party gets the sentence over turned and walk free,  or some kind of sentence that slaps the family in the face.

The right to be presumed innocent until proven guilty. This is just not so, as we already have public opinion. In many cases most of us are ready to take the law the law into our own hands. Why? Because we feel someone should pay and pay dearly! Yet we have forgotten that we could be mistaking identity.

There’s even more, it’s like in some cases they could be decided on a stupid bet or on win/loss of a game between those in power. Then there’s even money changing hands so fast no one knows what is going on. Then of course even the inadmissible evidence, which can make or break a case anymore.

Some of that so called evidence holds a key to the real truth. So our justice is not about real truth like it should be. It gets swept under the rug, depending on how much money is changing hands and on what level.

Don’t get me wrong, I respect officers of the law, what I don’t respect is even calling our system justice. It is not just. It never was just. We sleep better at night, because we want to think, we have a justice system.

Now there is also the case where maybe all the parties involved are guilty in reality. But usually the one who has done the least gets stuck holding the bag for everyone else. They are usually someone who would never make it in the prison system.

There are people in this world who can make your life a living night mare just by knowing your name at all. The sad part is they can get by with it and you are the one charged with a crime you never did.

Believe me when I tell you this happens everyday. Allegations happen and more by the time the public gets wind of it. You can be crucified by the nightly news. Pay out all the money you want,  and still you will go down for something you never did, if someone wants it bad enough.

You can ask people to be honest all you want that doesn’t mean you get honesty or justice.

Thanks for reading!

#my500words #jeffgoins

 

Day 19 My 500 Words : “Jeffrey”

Hey Everyone,

Here we are for another challenge of trying to write in another’s voice or create an alter-ego of my own voice in writing. I am going to introduce a part of a story of my own life part truth part fiction, so in the end it’s fictional.

It was Summer of 1976. Living in  Small Town, Missouri. This was in the backwoods of Missouri where you could get lost for days and along the main roads were the bluffs. Wild Honey suckle grew and could be smelled for days. Next door, was the pond and a cattails were grown forever. In the summer we’d fish over there and in the Winter we’d sled and skate on the ice covered pond.

Jeffrey’s favorite place was the bluffs  where he’d climb and stay away from everywhere. He often had conversations with God there. He prayed, sang, danced, and stayed a million miles away from the reality he lived in for days on end. Oh right about dusk he’d head in to eat supper and do the dishes to help out the foster mom.

That’s right Jeffrey was a foster kid. For a lot of his school life, he used the foster moms last name on his homework. To him he didn’t know any better, that is until the school called for a conference. Jeffrey needed more help some days than others. He had so many secrets locked up inside himself.

But his heart,  you could it see on shirt sleeve. What a world he lived in and how mixed up it all was. They wanted him to recall things he wasn’t even sure he knew. They would even spoon feed the information and expect him to remember it. They wanted his real father’s name, he just couldn’t be sure he knew; it was almost as if him being born, didn’t happen at all.

The homelife in the foster home, wasn’t one to be envious of thats for sure.  One moment they thought he was going to be a genius the next moment they were sure he was suffering from the fetal alcohol syndrome . He was just too slow.  How was he ever going to figure out life.

There was anger in Jeffrey. He was never sure who or what to be angry with. He just knew nothing in this world made sense.

There was so much more to the story but Jeffrey wasn’t talking too much already had been shown to him little boys die for telling the truth. It was a truth he knew to be fact not just some saying. Jeffrey felt as if even God let him down. He would even  try to live his life, as if believing so.

Some knew the truth of what was happening in that house of horrors; but no one stepped forward that did know. Jeffrey lived in fear and so many things that pointed towards it .

Jeffrey could only go to one place to be safe and that was the bluffs. Oh he could scream and cry at God.  He even asked God for the guts to jump off the edge of that bluff, on to the new highway being built that already had some cars on it.

Oh how he wanted to tell it all. He never jumped off the bridge , but one day he would tell all. That day will saved for another time.

Thanks for reading!

#my500words #jeffgoins

 

Day 18 My 500 Words “Waiting For My Helper”

 

I am waiting for my helper to come.

The experience of waiting is more about to see how much I can get done or enjoy before she gets here.

I am very grateful for her, its just when you don’t care for others coming in, and wish you could do everything by yourself; maybe I am not the most happiest person to be around.

When I am out of cigarettes, I can be a bit crabby, ready to climb the walls and so I lay down during those times. I am hoping to get this writing done before she gets here.  Its always a race against time for something.

Waiting is never fun because it always comes down to eating away the time of your day. Somehow its like others think they get to choose which parts they will pick and take. Sometimes you have to stand up and say no, this is the part I need help with.

I have so many emotions going on and deciding which thoughts I have that I will tell my helper about and which ones well, obviously every thought I have now is in my writing. Oh, not that I have list every one of my thoughts. But the emotion of every thought goes into my writing, as much as it does in every activity.

I am scared I will not get this writing done before she rings the door bell. But I am also thinking about all the self imposed rules, we put on ourselves in this challenge and being our own worst critic. Letting go of some of the stress we put upon ourselves.

Today is really hard on me emotionally as the last few days a girl I knew she died I only found out about it recently. she is young enough to be my daughter. There was a time and place I had it in my mind I would marry her mother. I am so glad sometimes things don’t work out the way we plan them.

You want to know how this comes into being part of this writing is while I wait; I still have these thoughts , emotions, and so much more to express.

Everything is so hard to express in front of certain ones. Sometimes its easier to talk to strangers than relatives depending on the subject. Sometimes you pull your hair out in frustration, wondering how your life ever got to this point.

There’s other point in life, where you wish you could hug everyone in your family. But I am still waiting on the helper and hoping to finish this writing . We shall see.  Its’s almost on the button and hoping to finish this. My heart takes a deep breath as each second passes. She will be here at any second.

The doorbell will ring I will jump and scream be there in a minute. Oh there a whole minute passed. Maybe I will finish this after all. Its just a little bit longer, a little bit louder and a little bit shorter all at the same time.

I am done.

Thanks for reading!

#my500words #jeffgoins

 

 

 

Day 17 My 500 Words “I am ProLife”

Hey Everyone,

Today’s challenge is for me to pick a fight and I promise the choice I have made will probably start fireworks. However, I am not here to judge anyone

I am Pro Life because :

  1. My belief in conception that the form of life has started then and to end it means murder.
  2. My birth mother gave me the breath of life.
  3. Everyone deserves a chance.
  4. My belief in God tells me, each life is precious and once you decide to be with someone there are no more choices.

Putting an end to breathing I think cannot be put any other way than murder.  But I believe being Pro Life  means more than just allowing the breath of life. I think it means helping in maturing and keeping safe, nurturing even.

I dont think its limited to just children I think we have so many adult walking around confused, who need help and support in ways that should have been, when they were younger. They don’t always get the choice to have that help.

Pro Life also means that children can be adopted or quite possibly we learn to have a system where  the child can openly know the parents . I do realize there are horrid crimes that take place. My answer to the crimes is I don’t know what to think but I know people who were born because of that kind of thing.

How can I not then think, especially seeing they were over achievers, that just given the chance and the right opportunities makes all the difference.

I realize there are more reasons why people feel forced into abortion and such. ButI feel as strongly with the things we have as in resources our country  is wrong in not making everything available for life and that we as a people need to help make these things happen.

I am saying the responsibility lies up on our shoulders and also of each individual. I say if God has chosen life and given breath; then too shall also the mother should.

The defense of most is saying it is their body and their choice. Well, then wasn’t it your body before you decided to have sex? So, then I think you had already made the choice before hand.

Being Pro Life also means taking care of our elderly. So many are dismissed and so many die alone.  We have lost all respect for life in this country.

One of the hardest things is  watching people go into what we call safe places where more abuse goes on than ever. The abuse leads to early death. So much goes unreported. In this same regard, can you not see also that stopping a birth is abuse?

A woman, 33 years old wanted the most beautiful miracle in December 2017. She went to the hospital with pain and uncertainty. She was scared. All she knew was, she wanted to honor life and God. Unfortunately, she died. She tried to live and give life.

#my500words #jeffgoins

Day 16 My 500 Words: “Giving Hope”

 

We are start off the new year in blazes of glory, proclaiming the year of change.

We set out our goals, plans, and even start a time line. We even have day-timers, devices set with alarms, and reminders so we stay on track. We think our hope will be refilled when somehow the magic wand is waved, and our time will be freed up. But, our hope comes as we push through and we complete each day’s task.

In my case no one else can do the work but me. I know in my heart and head sticking to a schedule works but for the life of me I can’t seem to keep the same schedule day in and day out.

What I do is keep things in the same place though, and at least that has kept me grounded. Doing my best not to skip meals. To keep hydrated with plenty of water.  We must take care of ourselves physically to maintain enough energy to keep going.

Its all about taking care of ourselves, keeping our word to ourselves and others. Getting plenty of rest, is also high on the priority list.

I am not willing to give up and neither should you. The timing is important because it keeps us at a steady rate. When I do not follow the schedule, timing is at risk and this too can ruin any good work. When the work is at risk this can cost greatly I suppose and put me at risk for not reaching my goal.

Today as I write this, I am in this exact dilemma of racing against the clock and hoping to finish writing this. I want to always be honest in my writing and not have to rush with it.

The hope I want to give simply that remembering what we decide in how we will change in this year can still be done. We don’t have to give into temptation and be quitters. I have watched two friends over the past few years, stick to the new things they said they were going to do and complete them.

I am very proud, and even envy the results. One just sticks to one main thing and does do different things and one decides to try a few things in the same realm. They just both really have great results because, they never give up or say it is too hard.

If you want something bad enough, you will do what it takes to get it. You will fight for it. You will even accept accountability for it. Anything worth having is worth working for. It takes patience, hard work, and following directions.

Many times, come the temptation to quit. The other thing is you only fail if you give up, if you are willing to fight for it and do everything you can, you will win. Blood, sweat, and tears this is what it takes most of the time. Therefore, I am finishing this at 11:58 pm. I want to have it in this day and be successful even if late in the night.

Thanks for reading!

#my500words #jeffgoins

 

Day 15 My 500 Words: “Evaluating the Half-Way Point”

Welcome to Day 15 of the My 500 Words Challenge!

I am tired, wore out, and there has been a lot of energy going into not just this challenge but another challenge besides; which requires me reading and studying and searching with in myself. This is the training I signed up for. So the 31 day challenge is not merely a destination, but a stepping stone to the next thing.

In the end all of life does come down to writing for me . Its how I can best describe the experience and more or less inventory all the parts of life I have participated and maybe, even given a fresh breath of life.

There have been times in this challenge where I have had to make myself stop so that I do not get burned out before I even begin.  Yes writing makes me excited it did before there was even computers just a tablet and pencil and finally a pen then a type writer. Finally bought a word processor and then bought into the technology of all a computer.

I remember when I was about 14 years old I really believed I was going to change the world with my writing. That is not to say I still won’t, I just have a lot more to learn. Sometimes in learning as I have with this challenge so far, I have some unlearning to do as well.

This challenge makes me want to say yes I am a writer. I am an inadequate at this point, but I am on my way. Life gets in the way a lot but its just like setting boundaries in your own life. There comes a point where you yell and say stop! I am not willing to be miserable and I will get my time in to write it’s part of me having my own spiritual worship and sanctuary.

Sometimes its necessary to shut off the tv and phones and put do not disturb on the door. (Unfortunately, some think that’s an invitation, or it means everyone except them).

No I am not more energized but more motivated, yes.

I do feel I have improved as a writer; my biggest thing is to not be in such a rush to push publish on Word Press.

What this challenge has meant to me, is the opportunity to grow and even take my own self serious as a writer. If you don’t take your writing and yourself serious, no one else will. You also have to stop  and choose your words carefully (actually advice from my mom growing up). It used to be called restraining your tongue. Well as we have found out through social media and being online these days , it’s restraint of keyboard and mouse as my friends Patrick, Keith, Joni, and Tink have said also.

As a writer your words can make you or break you. If you get broke you might stay broke if writing is your career.

The other thing that has really made me stop and think when writing out dialogues from family and friends inn the past is to make sure I am clear and truthful. Also not taking the opportunity to make the joke about them but rather myself.

The biggest thing in this year in writing and in my relationships, that became clear right away is learning to laugh at myself more; and to find the humor in everyday life.

Oh and just let me say this is the biggest lie I have ever found, is having to find a niche. I want to thank Jeff Goins for bringing light on this subject.  If you have the talent, your writing will draw people in. Thank you Jeff Goins for this truth and making available other tools for people to learn from.

It isn’t that I think Jeff Goins is a god or God. Rather the simple truths he brings to the table. Id much rather deal with someone who shares yes there were hard times. Than deal with someone, who says there’s no reason why you cant make a whole lot of money tomorrow.

Everything he has suggested and I took a step in, has brought forth some kind of better result in my writing.

I hate to be cliche but its true. “When the pupil is ready, the teacher appears.”

This has been a great challenge and also it is helping me live out my one word for the year, which is enough.  I am a writer.

Thanks for reading!

#my500words #jeffgoins