Just One Word

healingcloud

I am here to share once again – Just One Word.

Resolutions do not work well for me. I don’t know many who have made resolutions, that they  have worked well for. I actually printed out the word cloud above which I made, and hung it on my wall. I want to do my best to live out my word. But the great relief is that, I don’t have to be perfect at it.

I sometimes like to complicate things and way over analyze them;  but it gets better with time. Sometimes life is just what it is. But it never hurts to have a plan or outlined guide,if you will. That doesn’t mean everything will go accordingly by no means but maybe, just maybe things wont feel so aimless  and just drifting.

I have found this is more enjoyable to share with small groups of people. The interesting thing can be sometimes to listen, really listen to hear and see the differences in each other both when sharing the same beliefs or different ones.

For me as I chose my word, all I had to do was look at my current state of physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being and knew I needed healing as my word. I don’t waste time explaining it to people who want to change my word , that’s not their job; either people support you or they don’t. You just keep moving , regardless!

Be prepared some will call you a hypocrite because you don’t live up to your beliefs or your goal of living out your word. The last time I checked, no one was perfect and most live as hypocrites if they are breathing in any oxygen. I like using the  12 – Step method with this and getting an idea of where I am.

Let me explain how I use twelve steps in my one word:

  1. I am powerless over my life- This wouldn’t be an issue if I wasn’t powerless.
  2. I am believing for a power Greater than myself God and a group of people to help.
  3. Making a decision to turn it over -I can’t do it alone.
  4. Taking inventory of how its going whats wrong.
  5. Sharing with one closed mouth friend and sometimes a few closed mouth friends.
  6. Finding the defects that could be making me stumble they have been put out into the open making me ready for God to take them.
  7. Actually asking God for help to remove those defects
  8. We started making a list of people we harmed along the way
  9. Making direct amends to such people except when to do so would injure them or  others.
  10. Continue reviewing and doing steps 1-9 and promptly admitting where and when I am wrong, sometimes its easier said than done.
  11. Seeking God through meditation and prayer to have a better connection with God asking Him for His will and the power to carry that out.
  12. Having had this awakening in God that I would continue to press on and help others when ever however I can.

All we have is just one word, one life, our faith, and one day.

Be blessed, healthy, and happy.

Thanks for reading!

 

 

 

 

 

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Happy New Year!

hny2017

Its The Sacred Weekend… A Time of peace,rest reflecting, worship, prayer, and meditation.

Its really cold here as it is a lot of places right now and I love being home in my place. Pulling the blanket over me as I enjoy my  hot cocoa and the door is closed to all other chaos keeping all drama outside.

It’s a brand new year full of possibilities, hopes,  and dreams.

We have the choice to be happy but that doesn’t mean sad things don’t happen.

We have the choice to be positive that doesn’t mean negative things don’t happen.

Our homes can  be our sanctuary of refuge. However it can be very challenging to keep it this way.

I pray that I may see God’s meaning in my life. I pray that I may
gladly accept what God has to teach me.
Hazelden 24 Hours A Day Prayer

As I read the meditation I do realize its in silence God brings meaning to my heart.

Without God’s Meaning the words are empty and fruitless.

Many of us cry for prosperity, change, and peace. Many are feeling without hope.

As I enter this new year, I personally want healed in many areas of my life. My actions past and present would say that I deserve nothing. Thankfully its not based  on my behavior rather on a loving God who grants us peace beyond all comprehension and mercy and grace so that I may continue the journey of life.

This new year brings forth the chance to live out our changes. We don’t have to remain the same and we can be better and live better.

May you find the hope now for a better today!

Thanks For Reading!

 

When Life Gets Tough!

tig-ofwar

When I made changes and moved here to this small town; I really believed I had a great plan. Like most great plans there’s usually a wrench thrown in some where and it really throws you off balance.

I was not prepared for the horrors or deep depression I would go through. Things became hard my wait for an apartment was longer than I wanted it to be and of course things were not going my way. I was ashamed and embarrassed by the predicament I was in. It was costing me my sanity and health.

I did have family and friends encouraging, helping, praying, calling , and texting.  People sent things I needed. One man made the hour and 15 minute trip to bring me supplies. My own safety was even at risk. I really felt I had jumped from a frying pan into the fire.

There were so many lessons, blessings, and trials.

My lessons were as follows:

  1. It won’t always be this way. Things change constantly and so do people. I had to change as well.
  2. Trust for the best come about. This is really hard when you are in the middle of the storm. It doesn’t come over night.
  3. Recovery is a process. Sometimes quickly sometimes slowly.
  4. Each day is a gift from God.
  5.  No one knows what exactly you’re going through. Trying to explain what you’re going through, doesn’t even come close to the reality of the situation you are in.
  6. Never give up and sometimes you have to give up your own ideas for Gods Purpose to work through you.
  7. God is always there. He Loves He wants His best for you.

I can honestly say, I still need help in learning these lessons. I still get angry when things do not go my way. But, I am better than what I once was. I am not sure you ever graduate from these type of lessons.

No matter how much crap hit the fan, one of the best things I did for myself, was to find some gratitude. When I could not find gratitude myself, I had other people helping me find it; I didn’t always realize they were helping. In fact, I would just scream they just had no clue at times.

There came a time for a confession to myself, in order to find some acceptance. My confession was: I didn’t always make good decisions and I need to think things through, even when time was of the essence and I needed to move quickly. I needed help. But the truth was, many times I didn’t know exactly what kind of help was needed.

Sometimes you are the only person who can help you. This is done by making changes and the willingness to listen to others. This is usually very difficult for stubborn people.

While my circumstances have changed. The lessons have not gone away. Some of the struggles are still present. The brokenness inside myself is still hard to face in the mirror at times. But there have many blessing and new things have come about in ways I could never fathom.

The one thing that will defeat us more than anything is trying to go on without hope. Hope is what sustains us and grows into faith for brighter day.

My Prayer:  Thank you God for never letting go. Thank you for friends and family. Thank you for grace and mercy. Your mercies are new every morning . Even when I don’t know how things are going to work out I do know you are faithful. Even when I am not.

Thank you for your blessings and teaching us how to bless others. May I never forget to be thankful for what I have. Amen

Thanks for Reading!

Gratitude And Blessings

 

Placeholder ImageA long time back when first attempting to change my life, people used to tell me; “Don’t give up before the miracle happens.”

I’ve always been a deep thinker or at least I believed myself as such. I have also been strong willed and stubborn! I never knew how much people wanted to help and it is hard to help someone who will not change their way of thinking and doing things. I have always wanted to be in control and still get what I want.

Let me tell you, it never works both ways.At some point there’s the relationship that builds on trust. At least that is what I have found in this journey called life. Trust is not a strong suit for most because of us wanting to be in control.

I am finding I still fight wanting to be in control. I used to think of myself as meek and mild, easy-going, and laid back. I now know I am not that person. It has taken 50 years to uncover that lie, to see what exactly is underneath.

I think its only a beginning of me seeing what is underneath but it is enough for a beginning. You see, I have cried out to God for months for direction, protection, and to supply my needs.

Well I did know the very first thing is to be grateful for what you have. If you can’t find gratitude for something you’ll never get farther than you are right now,except maybe by faith and letting go. This though points us right back to the trust issue.

While manners go a long way in remembering to say please and thank you, it’s about the attitude and that has had to change in me and other people I know. This may be an area where you find even just 1 and if you’re blessed to have a few closed mouth friends that is even better! But someone, who can help you look in the mirror and say: “This has to change.”

Timing and responsibility are everything. Let me just say I by no means have this down nor have I achieved this fully. We are all a work in progress. While works are good they aren’t enough, at least for me. I can never be good enough. I have to believe it is through trust and relationship. Timing and responsibility means being patient.

Trust means letting go of my ideas and control and it takes work! There is gratitude to be found ya just gotta dig til you find it.

I found in gratitude Gods grace and other people’s love and generosity and when I find the love and grace I found peace. Last night I had said it’s in Gods timing. Because it feels like God just opened the flood gates and said, Here,just because I love you and you are Mine!

That  is Gods grace working through others and God meeting you right where you are. Not because of good behavior but His grace and love.

The warning I would give is sometimes it can just take the smallest thing to make you feel like you can’t catch a break. This warning is for me too because I have seen the patterns in my life. If we can just let go what a blessing!

May you be blessed today!

 

 

 

 

 

The Bluffs

bluffs

When I was young this was my refuge. I could go here cry, laugh, sing, talk to God, ask Him for help, or just be lost for hours here.

These bluff have my blood, sweat, and tears. I contemplated many things up here. Some were very dark things when it was a bad day; praying and asking God for a way out.

It would be many years away from here before I ever felt safe again. But you might say these bluffs saved my life.

I would dance, a country & western singer at one point and a rock star the next.Sometimes made up songs to God and just prayed the next day would be better.

When my friend Nathan and I came through here, it was like time traveling. I was lost in space, remembering how these bluffs were in fact my mountains. He took the picture for me. I could not climb so high and far out to the edge .

I think even here, I first learned to be thankful. Thankful for the safety and peace.

I’d take off for the bluffs on my bike. “Where do you think you’re going?” To talk to God Id say. “Well I hope he gets through to you! I can talk til I am blue in the face and you act like a stubborn old mule!” The dialogue was my foster mother at the time. Perhaps she was right.

Id ask God to teach me to be better, it just seemed I’d never get better. But The open arms of unconditional love was like a tidal wave from these bluffs to me.

In the spirit of giving thanks, I am grateful for these bluffs that hold such bitter-sweet memories for me.

Thanks for reading!

 

My Changing World

I have lived in the area for about three months now. It’s been life altering moving back to a small town. It is extremely challenging without a vehicle. But it can be done.blue-heron

My world changed a lot when I got here.  During my formative years I lived in a town not far from here where the picture is from above.

The pace is slower which I do like in most cases but again very challenging without a vehicle. I am still settling in my first apartment in years. I could not even have reached this far without the encouragement of family and friends.

I’ve experienced all kinds of emotions and been through a hard time. Even good changes bring about stress and when you aren’t that convenient for people to help you as you were more so before, you have to find some hope and faith.

Its not that easy when you feel alone but as someone told me, “You will get through this , it won’t always be like this.” The more stressed and unfocused you are, the more mistakes you will make. So sometimes all you can do is find your imaginary rope, tie a knot and hang on even if it looks like you’re doing it wrong.

I had got to my wits end and found myself screaming many a time. Crying out to God to help me. I am still most days just trying to pick up my boot straps and carry on.

For a while I did have a truck to use it was both a blessing and a curse. It was a stuck shift and it wouldn’t have been a hassle except, that my feet and legs are not well. I have a few ailments. I still face them but life is getting better. Its when you don’t have a safety blanket you find yourself facing reality!

I want to tell you though many have stayed by my side even across the miles but very few have seen what I truly endured in first getting here.

Asking for help is a new concept for me. I mean when you really need help.

You find out how strong you are and what are your greatest weaknesses.

Its not always joyful. But there is joy to be found . I personally believe the joy comes when you can find the gratitude and thanksgiving even in the midst of life’s trials.

Sometimes the only way to unlocking a spiritual door is being thankful for what you do have.

Its been my joy to share with you a little glimpse of my world. I hope to share more as this is definitely a time to remember and reflect in gratitude.

Thanks for reading!