Happy New Year

Happy New Year Everyone! I don’t think I will commit to posting everyday on the blog, but I will do at least twice a week and if I can three times a week at minimum.

I have had a few days to think things over and I am working on transforming my thinking once again. I have to really get my mind grounded with my word for the year. Everyday truly is a gift. Truthfully I find myself wanting to argue that point some days. But as my word says its enough.

I have enough faith to live this word out in every way imaginable. A few of my goals with enough is to finish my healing. Its a walk to go through and probably carry on. But the healing is so important to me, that I be able to walk and I want to hike to my childhood bluffs by spring.

I was sitting in the treatment room at the wound center yesterday and they kept asking what was I going to do when I didn’t have to come back anymore?  I said I would be hiking to the bluffs.

Now I admit this is a far cry from where I sit now. I also know that often having these dreams can set one up to fail,but I know for sure if I don’t at least try I won’t make it either. But this does not mean its always going to go perfect. To have unrealistic expectations is the ultimate of sabotage.

Everything is going to have to be one day at a time and sometimes minute by minute. It is the only way I have succeeded this far in life and what I know works. Asking God for help in the morning, asking for His help to pause in the middle of the day, and thanking Him at night.

I do agree there has to be some form of commitment and accountability. But making empty promises gets no one closer to their goals. One thing I have found to help is really encouraging and being positive with people I don’t even know. Hoping that in some small way, whatever I can do to encourage others spurs them on.

I have a chance to change my life because of one word. How about you? Will your life change because of one word? The only one who can decide is you.

Thanks for reading!

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Closing The Curtain on 2017

So here, the curtain is closing for 2017. I am so grateful to have friends who are supportive and ever reminding me I have what it takes to make it through anything. The prayers and thoughts do not go unnoticed. If I tagged people in this last entry of 2017, I’d have a roster of over 100 people or more.

There is a lot of unconditional love which supersedes the messiness of life, which I mentioned in my previous entry. Blood, sweat, prayers, hopes, dreams, and tears everyone has seeded in each other’s lives. Life is hard, but God is Good, and He gives sweet peace.

When I want peace right now I can still go to my boyhood place in the bluffs where my real prayers started and long talks with God alone. They started at 10 and 11 years old. No one can ever know how it felt up there on the bluffs. There is where everything was real with God. There were no eloquent words or diagrammed sentences and paragraphs. It was just real. The balance of life and death I knew there.

Here it is more than 40 years later and maybe now I can recognize God just wants to give me all I asked for way back then. My body is a lot weaker than it was then. I am not so lanky, and my legs and feet can’t carry me so easily as back then. I call this to remembrance because I will never forget my friend Nathan and I driving to the bluffs in May of 2016. He walked to the edge of those bluffs to take a picture for me where a yellow chair sits and is still there to this day.

Healing was my one word for 2017 but what I have learned is I am healing, and it will be enough in 2018. It will mean I am praying by May of 2018 I can walk myself to the edge of that bluff and take the picture again. Through these past years with my best intent to take back parts of my life, it will be enough in 2018.

There’s been some bitter sweet tears over the years. But it will all be enough! Thank you for being on this journey with me.

Happy New Year’s Eve!

Thanks for reading

 

 

Enough for 2018

I can’t say more about how challenging its been for about 4 years now picking a one word for the year as opposed to doing New Year’s resolutions.

Year 1 – Renewed Things did become renewed and I did experience new things again.

Year 2 – Commitment I did find how to be committed to things in my life  not everything worked out perfectly. I found a home church I was committed to as long as my living arrangements worked out. How I miss them now and how I miss having those pastors and church members who all helped me a long my way.

Year 3 – Healing While I may not be  totally healed it was important for me to learn how broken inside and outside I have been. I had to ask for a lot of help even in my intolerance at times and ask God and others to forgive me more than a thousand times. It’s never going to be perfect and you find others love you and want things for you more than you know.

Year 4 – Enough This is my word for the year ahead 2018

My objectives through this word is to finally see myself through with a deeper relationship with God. That really in the end it is with Him who I depend on for financial concerns, emotional, physical well-being, the preservation of friendships, and new friendships.

I sure have complained a lot in the past year and I certainly have spewed much  hate.  There have been new challenges and the reality of being responsible for my own life and happiness. Not that any of these were untrue before, just more so the reality when you realize it has to be you and any spirituality you have that meets the road before you.

The difference comes when you look up and say okay, I have a lot of things to be grateful for. Several friends and family have stood by with grace and sometimes at their limit, or beyond. Its what we do for those we love; but it doesn’t mean it can be fixed. People, places, and things can’t fix me. It takes a spiritual remedy.

While we want change for each other it doesn’t come the way we order it. The world isn’t our stage and people aren’t always going to behave or even forgive us our behavior.  Acting the part out while not forgiving is definitely a no-go. People can tell the reality, regardless what you feed them.

Yes, maybe you wanted this happy, joyous, and free! There are parts of it that are but its like life, it will be as messy as life and at times you want to slam the door and cuss everyone out just for breathing. But the most joyous times is when you can look up say, Thank you God. Let me just say, there are lots of words worse than 4 letter words or what we call bad words.

The journey it gets better, it gets worse, and it gets different; but it’s always messy.

Thanks for reading!

 

 

 

One Word 2017 and Now 2018

Hi Everyone! The year has flown and crept by all at the same time.

For the past few years two friends and I have picked our one word for the year rather than doing a new years resolution. The thing about life and bringing in changes to it means its gonna get messy. Life is messy we have ups and down and struggles in and around us.

I have talked a lot about gratitude and being thankful a lot because I think its necessary to have.  I have had to come to realize you cannot even be thankful perfectly all the time.

I am going to  be real candid and graphic,  there’s a lot of crap in life to deal with and if, you can get through it and stop with the bs and stop co-signing others bs, we can get through the struggles so much quicker. I didn’t say it was gonna be easier, but its a lot smarter, to just deal with it head on and quit carrying it around like a shroud or gold medal. It stinks, its smelly, and gets old real quick!

I have to take responsibility for the one words, for my goals, for my failures, and my achievements.

Here’s my thing, I thought for sure I am the only one slacking living up to everything. I am finding out others are having just as hard of time but I’ve always considered their side easier. How can I do that? It’s easy I am not living their life! But I do have to take responsibility for my own life.

This year of 2017 my one word was healing . It encompassed so much from my mind and emotional well-being to my physical health. I can’t say it has been a failure  but there sure have been a lot of disappointments in how I lived out.  I learned from it all and that is knowledge and an education.

So here I am with this knowledge that I have a lot of anger and rage and its working against my healing. Its left over crap I have been carrying around. Here’s a nugget of truth that will go a long way. What we have as left over baggage will impede our progress to a better life.

I will say I am healing I am really doing well physically healing which was of real concern last year til about 6 months ago.

As we close 2017 and open the curtain on 2018  my new word is Enough.

I have enough healing within to start growing toward a better life. I have enough in me to treat others and myself better.  I have enough in me to make it through and to do better.

Its Enough! God provides where we may lack so God is Enough!

Thanks for reading!

 

 

Happy Thanksgiving!

  1. I am thankful to be alive for Thanksgiving 2017
  2. I am thankful for family and friends
  3. I am thankful to make a Thanksgiving Meal for me in my own place.
  4. I am thankful to have central air/and heating
  5. I am thankful for our veterans and first responders.
  6. I am thankful for my life and all the changes in the past year.
  7. I am thankful for for my bed and and the furniture I have .
  8. I am thankful for food and a way to cook it.
  9. I am thankful for rest and for nurses and doctors.
  10.  I am thankful for healing.

There’s so much for me to be grateful for today and for me I am very thankful I don’t drink or use drugs today.

I am thankful I have my own car today and that it runs well. Its very important for me to have my freedom.

For me, even  for what may seem small or unimportant to others I feel very thankful and fortunate to be able to share in giving thanks.

God is always there for me watching out and helping me work out what I cannot do for myself.

I hope today you find the many things you are thankful for and recall them and that they multiplied to you.

Thanks or reading!

The Day Before Thanksgiving and Our Choices

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Hello Everyone, Its the day before thanksgiving and I admit I still need to work on being grateful everyday, but I am getting  there.

  1. I am thankful for coffee.
  2. I am thankful for my needs being filled.
  3. I am thankful for family and friends.
  4. I am thankful for a Loving God who has not forsaken me or left me alone even when I felt he had.
  5. I am thankful for being reminded that I do matter and everyone matters.
  6. I am thankfuI do get to live in the most free country in  the world.
  7. I am thankful for the small town I live in and that people still believe in traditions and family values.
  8. I am thankful for my special anonymous friends who are anything but anonymous to me.
  9. I am thankful for the people in the past year and them helping me learn how to be a bit more tolerant.
  10. I am thankful for choices.

Today I get to have choices and part of those choices are about giving and seeking forgiveness. Every week I do my best to really take a day of rest. I usually do so on a Saturday because its good  for me and a day of rest I believe God made for me.

I literally rest from people and everything that goes on during the rest of the week and this is just for me. I am not pushing this off an anyone else. This is what works for me.

My point is in this rest I get to reflect on me, my actions, my beliefs, thoughts, prayers, and meditation.

Just because I do these things, doesn’t make me a goody-two shoes. You’ll be sorely mistaken to pattern your life after mine.

In this past year my choices have gotten a hold of the anger, bitterness, and rage in me. I have not realized how bottled up I still, have kept things.  But the choices I have made in some areas sure have left me lacking and have others maybe nursing wounds I caused, because of my intolerance and unforgiveness.

I don’t know how to make everything right and I probably cant figure out everything but I do know a little more tolerance and a little bit more forgiveness is sweeter than vinegar. I don’t have to respond to everything. The lesson I am having to learn over and over; sometimes the best response is no response and that’s not just to benefit me, it benefits others too.

The choices I have today is to forgive others and make no response when I see something I strongly disagree with. I get a choice to make peace today if at all possible. If it is dependent upon me, it is possible. Sometimes it takes a little bit more elbow grease.

You or I have no idea what each other may be going through. As we gather together under one roof and even if far apart may we keep the peace if at all possible and remember that our relationships and friendships are more important than what we have to voice.

Thanks for reading

 

Parked By The Chapel

I really want to spend some time here, but I didn’t have a whole lot of time today.

I went to get a soda and feeling real spiritual some guy couldn’t wait two seconds for me to move, when he went around me he almost shaved my car. I didn’t cuss or call him a name I yelled so he could hear my words though. In the end we apologized the best we both could at the time.

I am leaving there and realize a special meeting is going on. I am only 18 minutes late but decided, I needed some serenity; so this would not be a bad time for me to hit this meeting. For some of those people, I had not seen them in a year. Even being late I loved the speaker.

When I left there I went to Columbia Park, where the chapel and gazebo both are that I love to spend time in, away from people.

I am hoping this weekend does well for me to rest and be ready for next week . Raking my personal time and quiet time is essential for me to get a long with others. Its nice to have that freedom again.

The things I am thankful for are:

  1. Some quiet time
  2. I can start my day over at any time
  3. I was able to attend a special meeting
  4. Seeing friends I haven’t seen in a year
  5. Today I have people who are concerned and care and want me to come back to them. It wasn’t always this way.
  6. I am sleeping more at night
  7. I get to be creative in taking care of myself today.
  8. A few of us watch out for each other and our vehicles here at the apartment , its nice to have that.
  9. I am actually contemplating again what it will be like when I don’t have to return to the wound clinic every week.  Which has been twice a week for the past year.
  10.  God still speak to me.

There’s been many positive things for me to point to this  week.

Thanks for reading!

Thankful Thursday

Hi Everyone!

The things I am grateful for:

  1. Friends and Family
  2. My wounds are healing
  3. The Nurses and staff @ Parkland Wound Care
  4. My friend Millie and I went to get our thanksgiving turkeys together.
  5. Knowing Friends are getting what they need
  6. Being able to pray with friends
  7. Asking God to help me when I know I don’t have a right attitude.
  8. When you want to reach up and slap someone but just grit your teeth and make out a smile instead.
  9. My Wednesday night and Sunday morning crews which mesh together remind me I am crazy and its okay today it gets better a day at a time and I don’t have to be mean today and I can start over at any time I choose to.
  10. I really want my life today and I genuinely care about me today.

I have a lot of thoughts going around in my head or maybe more so it would be the main question; what does it mean to take care of me today? No, I don’t need anyone else asking me this question I am obsessing on this question enough already. If you want to push me past my limit and hear some four letter words ask away. (This is fair warning).

What I do love about my life is living in a small rural town and having the freedom to take my time to cultivate and make long lasting for real friendships. I am also learning to use community resources and not have as many melt downs when I do become overwhelmed.

I don’t think I’ve realized how important having my own space is so important. I do get tired easily now. I have to rest more and I hate admitting to to my friends or to even myself. The thing is it all relates taking care of me because no one else can. No one else has the knowledge I have either, to take care of me.

My friendships and and my mom are important for me to stay current with. Its hard for me to stay current with my brother and his family now that they are in the UK but I wouldn’t wish anything else for them. They are where they are happiest and healthiest.

My heart breaks sometimes over missing them so much. But here’s the deal, I had to move away from church and family and friends too. Because this is what works for me, I know some of my friends don’t understand. My Mom gets it! Thank you God for that.

The other thing I wanted to touch on is that we are all growing in directions that may often differ. For me I know I am doing well at making changes I know it doesn’t make me a saint. When I am regressing with change I also know that doesn’t make me evil.

There are no cookie cutter ways to this journey of life. If it were that easy, there would be nothing to challenge us. Life must go on.

Thanks for reading!

 

So Much To Be Thankful For

Hey Everyone !

Today I am starting off with my list of what I am thankful for.

  1. Grateful for 2 friends prayed for and thought about last week that we haven’t at least seen each other online contacted me tonight well, one posted on  Facebook and the other texted me.
  2.  For a simple oil change that was done today ( Getting any service done to a car is a big/but simple thing in my book).
  3. Hanging with a friend after he got off work and being able to do something for him.
  4. Met up with a fellow blogger’s blog and wow super excited as she is real down to earth and yet like speaks Gods Language.
  5. God just letting me know I am on the right track again and that he is with me. when I am in my car alone I just feel like God is beside me and trying to help me direct my thinking . It’s where any other chatter stops in my thinking I realize this sounds crazy …But it’s where God gives me those wow moments!
  6. I don’t know how things are going to work out but God seems to always have a plan.
  7. My Sunday morning group is so important to me! So very Thankful for them all.
  8. My friends/ family like here at the apartments things each one of them says.
  9. So much to take in and think about that without others I would not have made it as far as I have in my life . ( I have learned a lot in the past year about taking care of myself). Just because I may fail a lot at it doesn’t mean I am not learning).
  10.  Prayers that have gone to God Jesus and The Holy Spirit on my behalf.

I am still not doing my list daily yet. I am making progress.

Wow,  my heart just soared this evening when I got a text from my buddy who is a pastor in the State of Washington . He reminded me he was praying for me, I so needed him to, if it makes sense. He has been like I don’t how many people who has been brought in my life to teach me about grace and to live it out in your beliefs , not just say you have them.

I think about the book “The Shack” by William P Young  and I cant help but wonder if God didn’t place certain people in our lives to be as some of the characters in the book and place some people to be as comforting as we would imagine a Holy Spirit to be if as person and to act as Jesus in our real on Going life and real God was Papa and sometimes in families the strongest and most supportive role is a woman and she is Papa ….I am not saying God is a she (Please don’t hear that); I am saying God uses people in our lives to be living examples and they bring us to Christ.

I also want to point out I am not here to tell you at all how you should believe.

I am here trying to explain and at the same time, understand myself exactly all I believe.

Thanks for reading!

 

A Day of Rest

Hi Everyone,

I apologize to you my readers and to myself I have not kept up with my thankfulness like I had planned.  It has been non stop for the most part and realizing my need to reevaluate my time management. Life is a highway …famous lyrics from a song

Man throughout the week is fine to stay busy; but there has to be some managing of time and all, at least for me. There always seems to be more things to get done than I can handle alone.  So when a day of rest comes its good for me to reflect and see how I can improve things and to hopefully not make empty promises.

Some days I feel Like I am shoved onto a passenger seat with a car moving 100/mph and it doesn’t get to stop til the end of the week.

My day of rest is so I can reflect and b e thankful and meditate on the good things in life. I want to help make it be a better world and not just cherry pick what I want and hopefully learn more a long the way.

The things I am thankful for:

  1. My car is fixed and running .
  2. Friends that shine a spot light on stuff you need to pay attention to.
  3. Friends that greet you and are happy to see you. They share with you and you share with them.
  4. Family  seeing a smile or just sending their heart reminding you, you are loved no matter what.
  5. Forgiveness and Grace the acts of love we both can give and receive
  6. A day of rest to revitalize and re-energize
  7. Healing physically emotionally and spiritually
  8. God providing ways out of things that are unmanageable so they can become manageable
  9. Simple prayers ( They mean so much when you are pressed up against the wall and cannot get past where you are).
  10. The breath of life to give me a chance just one more day to make a difference.

Those were not hard to come up with at all. Its amazing how things have kept me bouncing in the past year. In my minds eye I picture God sometimes picking up a dandelion and just blowing on it. It goes everywhere in every direction.  I feel like sometimes that’s what happens to us.

But even in the middle of what seems to be chaos its like you have to take time for a prayer even if its selfish and just saying “Oh please help me, God I can’t do this on my own and in my own strength. ” For the last 15 years, it feels like that’s been my prayer.

But as I reflect I can honestly say God, friends and family have brought me through to the other side and there’s only one rule for that to happen. The rule is  you keep putting one foot in front of the other. I could never name all the blessings I have had in the past 15 yrs; but I can say this, everything I am  thankful for had something to do with each blessing I have received.

I want to close this post b y saying I saw saying this week about the holidays and in it the main part that got me was this guy saying because I am a Christian I am not a jerk. My takeaway from that was… I don’t have to be a jerk today and I especially don’t have to b e a jerk because things don’t go my way.

A day of rest actually gives me some insurance against being a jerk. I am thankful I am not a jerk today .

Thanks for reading!